It’s 01.13 on Saturday as I start typing this, and the only reason I’m awake is because I drank coffee too late in the day. I tried playing games on my phone, asked Josh to give me a champi, and did some breathing exercises but eventually gave up. I’m sitting in my studio now, surrounded by sticky notes and diaries. Usually, I send my newsletters out on Thursdays and somehow, I didn’t get around to it this time. I’ve been wondering whether just to let go, think that it wasn’t meant to be and get to it next Thursday. Or should I roll up my sleeves, write one even though it’s late and apologize for my inconsistency? I postponed making this decision by working on the Gratitude Journaling workshop I’m hosting this Sunday.
🗓 September 22, 2024
🕓 3 pm IST to 5 pm IST
💸 Fees = INR 300
I’m as prepared as I can be but tonight sleep still eludes me, so my coffee-induced brain picked up on some random swaying thought from the undercurrents of my conscience.
This workshop I’m working on is unique for two reasons:
We are looking at gratitude in hindsight - how did past decisions affect us and can we feel grateful for them?
We are including our favourite poem by Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken.
As a young rebellious teenager, I felt the poem resonate with me strongly. I trembled with the fear of rejection when I picked up my dormitory landline phone to call my parents and tell them I wanted to drop physics for psychology. The mountain of expectations named “our daughter will take up the family business” came crashing down and 16-year-old me labelled herself a disappointment. I became the first psychologist in the family, a road no one had ever travelled by.
This week I’ve spoken to at least 3 different families about life & education in Germany - a life I had lived (then rejected) as a first in a family that has sent people to the USA and Canada. I answer a barrage of the same questions - why did you go? what did you like? why did you come back? is it better? For that last question especially, I’m forced to ask them “Better than what”? How are we defining what’s better, what’s worse, and what’s good enough? I have cousins who went to the USA and returned because they couldn’t deal with the change. I also have cousins who went to Canada, tried their shot at moving back to India then fled to Canada within 2 weeks because their own country was too much for them. I joke that every time a decision like this is made, an alternate universe is created - for each road that could’ve been taken.
Thursday, September 19 2024 I myself made a decision that I’m quite happy with. I bunched up my to-do list into a little paper ball, and threw it to my cat to play with. Then Josh and I packed our dog into our small second-hand car and went to the beach to watch the sunset. Doobie, our dog, has never seen the ocean in his entire life and has never been on the beach - and I’ve never seen him happier! He chased coconuts, waves and me as I tried to race him back to the car. He tried to drink a little pool that had accumulated then coughed it all up because he didn’t know water could be salty like that. He turned from a white dog with black spots into an all-black-and-grey dog. He’s a city dog and excursions like these are rare for him. I wouldn’t trade that sunset with him for the world, even if I sacrificed my consistency here a little bit.
I think my therapist would be proud of me lol. After all, what’s more difficult for the oldest daughter of a brown household than to shirk off responsibilities and literally chase sunsets?
Here are some prompts you could use to dig a little bit and reflect on past decisions and moments, even ones that seemed difficult or confusing, and consider how gratitude could apply to them in hindsight.
I made the decision to... and it has led me to...
A person who has impacted my life in ways I hadn’t fully acknowledged is...
A moment I didn’t appreciate at the time but do now is...
I used to regret... but now I am grateful because...
Are there any decisions you’ve made recently that you feel grateful for? I’d love to know! It makes my day to learn a little bit about the people I surround myself with, in person or virtually.
Thank you so much for being part of my journey on Substack so far! It’s been six months, and I love writing my weekly corner. It makes me so happy to see all the people this is reaching. I also love physical snail mail and a hobby I picked up during my time in Europe is sending postcards! I woke up the other day with an immense urge to purge - I feel like the old art I made doesn’t reflect the artist I’ve developed into. World Postcard Day (October 1) and World Post Day (October 9) are around the corner, and to celebrate them I want to send you a postcard! This little celebration is a great way for me to send you a token of my appreciation via physical artwork and make space for new art to be created. If you would like to receive one, please fill out your mailing address in the Google form here:
Taking inventory of my postcards if sleep doesn’t find me soon,
Vedi