On Sunday, my dad told me I’m ruining my career. Two days before that my grandfather asked my sister-in-law to find me a job because I’m wasting my talents. A week ago, my grandma told me that I’m making a mistake. The first two times it hurt, but by the time my dad told me this I was already protected by the armour that is Natasha Bedingfield’s Unwritten. It’s kinda funny because I stared at the blank page of this unwritten newsletter and the ending is unplanned.
The line that struck closest to my heart is “we’ve been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can’t live that way”. Perfectionism as a character fault doesn’t occur out of nowhere, it’s honed over time with every comment and expectation. Mine was built by years of being told to be a good idol to my younger sister. Every action of mine was judged by the effect and influence it would have on her. A high achiever is also created by slowly raising the bar every time an achievement happens, until they’re so hard on themselves that you needn’t be. But you are hard on them anyway, because its probably a habit by now. And you look down on others that aren’t as successful. Ah to be desi!
The best part about being an adult is that I get to choose the parts about my life that I want to keep, unlearn or relearn. The biggest aspect I’ve chosen to unlearn is my relationship with mistakes and failure, and to this day I’m scared of disappointing my parents - I do it anyway. “Mistakes” I’ve made that aren’t actually mistakes -
7 tattoos that are ruining my body - they make me feel pretty, and let me carry stories and memories
Moving back to India - the life I want to build is more achievable here
Adopting a cat - she has healed and continues to heal parts of me no human can
Leaving my job - I was unhappy and burnt out
Trusting a therapist - it’s working
Went to Goa for a month - I’ve made more art and seen more sunsets that month than my entire life
I can’t live in a world where making mistakes is looked down upon or as something to avoid. Growth simply cannot happen that way! Who defines a mistake anyway? Actually lets just look at the definition, for clarity.
noun. an error or blunder in action, opinion, or judgment.
Sounds about right. I looked some more but it doesn’t tell me - error or blunder according to whom? We know the answer is “society” aka log kya kahenge? The biggest mistake would be if we didn’t learn from those blunders at all, so here are some mistakes I’ve made:
Not leaving a date even though I got bad vibes from him
Trusting someone I’ve met twice to get me home safe after a party and proceeding to get black out drunk
Wore cheap shoes during an entire backpacking trip
Chose a “party hostel” for 3 nights
Forgot to carry an umbrella to a rainy country
Thought I’d be able to catch a 7am flight after a night of partying
Gave a friend advice but they hadn’t asked for it
Allowed someone to bleach my hair
Well, now I know better. I’d like to continue making mistakes thank you very much, and I’m not interested in hiding them either. What are some “mistakes” you’ve made? Do you regret them or not at all?
Until the next mistake,
Vedi
It's been 6 months and I still struggle with telling myself that quitting that horrible school job was a good decision. But here it is.
Quit my school teacher job - it made me sick, sad and pulled me away from being my artistic true self.
Love this Vedi, you help reconnect with my purpose like no one else. ❤️
1. Well I made the mistake of leaving a Doctorate opportunity, as I had to work in a toxic environment which was slowly eating me away bit by bit. - no regret
2. In the process of handling grief I let myself binge and that led to an avenue of problems - huge regrets but trying to work on it . Forgive myself amd understand why I did what I did.
3. Cared overly for people when they didn't ask for it. - no regret ( lessons learned)